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If you’re one of those ones that struggles to stay on plan, wondering why it is so hard for you, and so easy for others, maybe this will help.
I’m one of those.
I come from a long history of comfort eating…and that’s not a habit born overnight, and it’s not one that will be conquered overnight. But it WILL be conquered as I renew my mind.
I always say, weight loss starts from the inside first.
I’m back to dealing with the inside.
It’s been a yo-yo for me the past few years.
First dealing with the very sudden passing of my best friend, her husband, and their two youngest children.
From there, it was stress that piled and piled.
We all know, stress no good for adrenal fatigue, and in my defense, I’ve dealt with the stress that I had control over — but there was a lot going on over which I had no control.
Over the holidays, it amped up even more.
My elaborate plans for a Keto Christmas blew up in my face — with all the sugar and carbs I could shove into it.
I honestly felt if I put one more thing on my plate, it would just crash to the ground in a million shattered pieces. I just couldn’t.
In retrospect, maybe I should.
Getting back on plan is never easy for me….and that’s where I find myself now.
Fasting, going on carb benders, and back again. Seriously – the worst thing you can do to your body.
It’s like two beasts warring inside for control.
Actually – yep – that’s exactly what it is. And I’ll be the first to say that it is as much a spiritual battle as any other kind – because I know that:
a) Being keto doesn’t just give my body what it needs, it gives my family what it needs. A mom who is clear-headed and full of energy (basically everything I”m presently NOT)
b) Being keto actually helps me stay focused – when I’m not on plan, I’m scattered and zoned out most of the time.
I am starting a Fasting Challenge on Monday, and you better believe that I’ll be all over that like stink on a skunk. I may be battered and bloodied by the end of it – but I’ll be there.
It may not be pretty – but I’m determined.
And it will be every bit as much a spiritual fast as a physical fast. Because I know that during those two weeks, I’ll come head-to-head with the beast that wants all those foods that keep me bound to a body that doesn’t function.
I didn’t want to write this here.
In fact, I just PMed my bestie and told her that I was sending her my meal plans each day – because I honestly didn’t even want to admit that I’ve failed.
But have I really failed?
Is that what all this is about?
- Being perfect
- Checking off boxes
Just so we can take our little befores and afters?
Can I just be brutally honest for a moment? I mean, downright brutal. Painful. Ugly…and maybe even let that tear escape from the corner of my eye?
It’s time to look at ourselves in the mirror just as we are and say, “If I don’t lose one more pound…or one more inch, I’m sticking with this.”
Yea – I can’t say that right now.
I really can’t. That’s me being brutally honest. Because for me, Keto is STILL about body image over health.
I have my chart – my weight loss goals – for June 2020, when I plan to visit the States with my kids…and it’s like a knife twisting in my gut every time I see it because I’m so far off my goal I’m not likely to have lost one pound before I climb on that plane.
And that makes me mad – and every disappointed in myself……and rushing to the pantry digging through all that junk food my son just got for his birthday on Saturday.
Seriously – it’s come to that.
But – here’s me, facing the ugliest of ugly truths and then putting it out there on the World Wide Web, because I know that this has to be my red line in the sand.
It’s time to stop
It’s time to put my foot down
It’s time to say, “You’ve gone too far already, but you’re not going any farther with this nonsense!”
Face up to the fact that if I really, truly want to consistently feel good and healthy, I’m going to have to say no to my husband’s amazing crepes….and the delicious Lay’s potato chips my son got on Saturday and do the right thing.
Oh – and as for all that stress?
Yea – that’s a thing of the past now. Over the past month my life has done a complete 180, and the stress that was keeping me in a bad cycle is gone
This means, I now have time to think about my meals — no more quick microwaved portions of taco meat to dump over a salad because I don’t have time for variety anymore.
I actually do have time to try new things and add variety to my Keto menu.
I’m 100% without excuse now.
So, if you’re out there – if you relate to my story….if you’re one of those who continues to fall off the wagon and then spend the next several months rolling around in the mud of carb binges and disappointment….
Stop doing it.
I know you can….just like I know I can.
So, if you’re still a little embarrassed….like me, stop trying to be accountable to an app….or that girlfriend who is willing to say, “yea girl – you deserve that big bowl of ice cream tonight. Go for it!” and look that shame right it it’s ugly face and say, “Be gone with you!”
Go to your group and ask for brutal accountability. (You can join mine here)
That’s what you need!
That’s what I need!
And that’s what this post is all about.
I’m not starting tomorrow – I’m starting right now.
Hello, my name is Rosilind. I’m a carb addict. I’m a stress hoarder. I’m a perfectionist. I’m a hard task master when it comes to myself. I give far more grace to others than I ever do myself.
But I’m laying it all down at the feet of Jesus, I’m praying for the humility I need to start this journey all over again.
It’s 2020, my word for the year is rest.
And by December 31, 2020, my goal is to have found rest from this battle….not only against comfort eating and disordered dieting….but against a poor body image.
I want the rest to love God’s creation – to see it as wonderfully as He created it to be.
This is me.
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