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  1. Oh, such pain! This is good advice for any sorrow or stress. Just be there, listen, and don’t use careless words like Job’s friends did.

    1. You are right. This is just good advice in general for anyone who has experienced a personal tragey.

  2. One of my best friends recently had a miscarriage – her second and I had no idea until months after the fact. I had no idea what to say to her. This is a great post! I have not had a miscarriage, but I had a very hard time getting pregnant with my first and so I know the pain of a secret that you need to share but feel unable to do so with others and needing support that you can’t get because of it. My heart breaks for you and the loss of your 4 angels. I’m so sorry you had to endure such great loss. Sending prayers your way today! <3

    1. Thank you for your prayers, That means so much. You know, infertility and miscarriage often carry the same emotions. There are some similarities there – the feeling of failure because your body can’t do or wont do what it was created to do. And I think in particular when it comes to fertility there is a great sense of failure because it is so directly tied to our womanhood. The pain is deep. I am so glad this post was helpful to you.

  3. I am so sorry when I hear of anyone having to go through a miscarriage, especially alone. When I had my miscarriage, not many people knew I was expecting. One of those that did know told me that God took the baby because our family was going through a hard time right then. It was hard to look them in the face for a long time after that. As painful as that was, God used that experience to teach me to be more careful with my own words, and to make myself more available to friends in need.

    1. Oh Marian, I am so sorry that someone said that to you. I heard many hurtful things (directly and indirectly), and I just kept telling myself that they didn’t mean it the way it sounded. They meant well, and they were trying to be helpful. But like I said, sometimes the words of wisdom need to wait, and sometimes words are just not appropriate at all.

  4. Thanks for the helpful suggestions. Listening is often the most loving thing we can do. That and pointing people to Christ!

    1. Yes, listening an pointing them to the ultimate Healer of our souls.

  5. Four miscarriages…mercy! I am so sorry for you, Rosilind, even as I rejoice with you over your precious boys and over how you can minister to other women because of what you have been through. I appreciate the wisdom you share here, because when I lost my second baby to miscarriage, the few people who did what you suggest were ministers of comfort to me. Mostly, people did and said nothing. Now, I encourage others to simply say, “I’m so sorry.” This conveys that something valuable has been lost, something hard has been experienced, and that what grieves another person grieves you, too. Thank you for this coaching…stopping by from Coffee & Conversation.

    1. Yes, you are right. Just conveying sympathy and that your grief matters to them goes a long way. I am sorry for your loss as well. God is so good to use our losses to aid another person’s healing. I am honored to be able to share my story.

  6. Thank you for this post. I have had friends and family in the same situation, and I never know what to say so I tend to avoid the topic altogether. As with any kind of grief, though, just making a gentle presence can be enough. Thanks for sharing your story.

    1. I hope this post was helpful. Sometimes we just don’t know what to say or do.

  7. Three great tips. My husband and I have gone through four miscarriages and one stillbirth, it definitely doesn’t get easier. How thankful I am though that God’s grace is sufficient and hope for healing can be found in Him! Thank you for sharing!

    1. I am so sorry for your losses, Wendy. But yes, God’s grace is sufficient, even for this.

  8. I feel your pain, literally. I have had just as many miscarriages, all early 11 weeks or sooner. Some before kids, and others after. It is never easy, and your advice for people who haven’t gone through it is wonderful. I wonder about my angel babies quite often and have hope that one day I will be able to truly meet them.

    1. Oh Catherine, I am so sorry for your losses. It is so hard. And you will meet them one day in heaven. I am 100% sure of that!

  9. My best friend had a miscarriage and the things you say here to do, I did. But what about now? It has been over a year since the miscarriage and she has had a baby since then. Do I bring it up ever? I know she must think about it even though time has passed. I had one myself long ago, but no one ever talks about it. Sometimes I WANT to to talk about it because the baby was very real!! What are thoughts on this?

    1. I think a very kind and thoughtful gesture would be, somewhere around the anniversary of the loss of her baby or in October, which is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month, to send her a card or message letting her know that you remember and that you are thinking of her. You might even let her know that if she ever needs a listening ear, that you are there for her. It can be tricky because while sometimes we want to talk about our loss, we don’t like to be invaded. It’s tender, as you say – even after many years have passed. So, while bringing it up out of the blue may not necessarily be the best way, choosing an appropriate time to let her know that you remember I am certain will touch her deeply and may open the door for the two of you to share this common pain.

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