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  1. Thank you Rosilind.This is the kind of encouragement I like reading as I wait on God.
    Corrie Ten Boom is another woman who inspires me,she also fulfilled her purpose as a single woman.

    1. Yes! Corrie Ten Boom is another wonderful and inspiring example.

  2. Dawn Gonzales says:

    Thank you so much for this Post Rosilind! My husband, soul mate, best-friend, died 3 years and one month ago. I have been incredibly sad and lonely feeling incomplete! You message is powerful and I will reread it over and over until your truth seeps in to my hurt!

    1. Dear friend, my heart goes out to you today and I am praying for you. I honestly cannot even fathom what it must be like to lose your husband. I pray that the Holy Spirit continue to comfort your heart as you navigate this new season of life.

  3. Thank you Rosilind for writing about singles. I’ve been divorced for almost 20 years and haven’t dated much, but this past year I’ve had to say “no” to several single men who were interested in me, but for one reason or another, they weren’t what I’m looking for. I unfortunately last dated a never-married, retired Hindu man 18 years older than myself for the past 3 months and he’s been hard for me to let go of! Oh, my God, it’s been so hard. We met at a contra dance and I invited him to church. He took me up on that offer and then started inviting me to meet him at different events, like the art museum, different things in our city, dancing, eating out. All the while I wanted to break it off as it’s unscriptural to be unequally yoked to a non-believer, but I just didn’t have the strength to do it. This man is not attractive physically, but I did enjoy conversing with him (he has a P.h.D and was a nuclear engineer). Then I began to enjoy someone giving me attention and things like that. Anyway, I finally broke up with him last week and it’s been terribly hard. Sometimes I wish I was still attached to him. A male friend told me that my problem with this attachment sounded demonic by the way I was just obsessed and felt a compulsion to be with him despite knowing the implications. So, yes, sometimes it’s just easier to be single than to go thru a relationship. P.S. – I’m not dating anyone now and going to a Divorce Care class once a week in the hopes of pulling myself back together. Some days I’m quite OK and other days I just fall all to pieces.

    1. oh friend, I feel your pain. I’ve been where you are. I agree with your friend. This is much of what it was like for me in the abusive engagement I was in. It was clearly a dangerous relationship but I was obsessed and felt a compulsion to be with him. When I finally broke off the engagement and walked away for the final time (we’d broken up a number of times before), my eyes were opened to see the demonic pull that was there. And I did label it demonic, because it was truly a satanic strategy against me to destroy me. It took a great amount of prayer and healing to get me past this, but please remember that He who is in you is GREATER than he who is in the world. There is healing and restoration for you. I believe that labeling this for what it is will go far in putting things right. When I said aloud to my mom that the manipulation we felt was demonic (using that very wording), something inside of me broke and I truly was set free. From that very moment I never felt a desire to return to that relationship.

      1. Thank you, Rosilind. It’s comforting to know that you had to try several times to break off that relationship, as this is what I’m doing. I’m trying to remain friends with this person, but I don’t know if that’s even going to be possible. For instance, I saw this person Monday to return his lounge chairs while at a meetup at the mall and he wanted to show me his recent vacation photos and buy me a little dinner, so I said OK. Then yesterday he called and left a voicemail inviting me to a weekend of contra (folk) dancing. Well, I don’t want to be rude, but I just told him last week I’ve decided to quit dating for awhile, and however long that is, I don’t know. I do know that Jesus is not going to give me a Hindu husband, and the Holy Spirit told me “absolutely not” to that. Please pray for me that I’ll realize that I can’t be just friends and even though he’s a very interesting man, I need to stop the conversation.

        1. I hope that things are going well for you, now. Sometimes making a total break of things helps to clear our head and heart. Allow God’s Word to fill that void, and begin building your heart in faith that God has the very best plans for your life.

  4. martha Inglis says:

    Rosalind,
    We live in a culture that supposedly applauds the single, professional woman who goes after what she wants and builds a life for herself, yet the reality is that we are nurtured by family, firends and church to believe (frome the very earliest years) that marriage is good, the end goal of life. We have ‘arrived’ when we are married with children.
    The year after I graduated from high school I worked with my mother (as a volunteer) in her first grade classroom. Children were always asking me if I had children, and when I said ‘No’ they would ask if I was married… after all I had graduated from high school, next comes marriage… right? (Interesting that the question about children always preceded the question about marriage…)
    The church, unfortunately, builds its programs and activities for families… and does not, in far too many cases, recognize the needs of single people. It is just assumed they are in a holding pattern waiting for marriage. No one seems to know how to deal with ‘them’. They become the ones to be introduced to other single people not because of similar interests, but because of singleness. Matchmakers crawl out of the wood work to do their duty to bring single people together.
    As a single woman I have come to a place of contentment with who and where God has called me to be. We need more people to realize that singleness is not a condition needing changing, but a real, viable place of rich and rewarding relationships and service. We are not on hold until God breathes life into us through marriage. We are whole, living, vibrant women of God, loved by God NOW.
    Thank you for sharing your experience and thoughts. God bless you.

    1. I agree, the church largely fails to recognize the needs of single people and sort of assumes they are in a “holding pattern” as you said (great illustration!) for marriage. I do think this is an area that could use improvement, because for the most part, most single’s ministries I’ve seen more resemble a dating service than a ministry. That said, I was once involved in a singles group that was truly a ministry. I never felt on inspection when I showed up, and most of those who attended truly were there to seek God, not a mate. I’ll never forget the time I attended there. It was a great ministry and encouragement for me, and a time a tremendous spiritual growth. I would love to see this replicated more.

  5. Jennifer Vallot says:

    I am so glad you wrote this, and am very happy to know you did not marry the abusive man. The man that I married was not as overt about his manipulation and “its all about me” attitude. This came later. It started to show when we would have a disagreement and he would abandon me for hours, leaving me to think he would never come back. Then one day, in the car, when he couldn’t just leave he punched me in the leg. Eventually, things got bad enough that I would walk on eggshells, trying not to upset him or give him a reason to tear me down. He would make comments like “You are so beautiful” followed the next day by “You need to lose weight”. At the end, he started wanting me to engage in acts with other women where he could watch. He would try to get me drunk so I wouldn’t resist what I knew was sinful. I began to dread going home after work, despite have two beautiful children at home, whom I am grateful to God for blessing me with.

    After 13 years of marriage, he finally decided to leave, stating that he could not fix me, and even to this day, 14 years later, I still endure his abuse and narcissism. I still walk on eggshells to avoid giving him a reason to speak against me. Even his wife, for whom he left me after cheating for 3 months, engages in putting my children and me down. She doesn’t even know me personally.

    I am left feeling like I am the bad one for not making it work out better and that I will never be a good wife for any other man. I know this is not true and that God did not intend for me to be with my ex forever. The lessons I have learned were intended for me to pass on to my children about healthier relationships and how to recognize when it is toxic. Despite it all, I still struggle with what I feel versus what I know to be true. I am working on healing this part of me, as I know that God is working in healing this part of me.

    Thank you again for your wisdom and inspiration. It gives me courage in my singleness.

    1. Dear friend – I was so sad to read your story. Please know you are not alone. I have talked to so many who have been through similar situations. I pray that as you meditate on God’s Word that He will continue to heal your heart and your mind so that you truly know how cherished you are!

  6. I am so blessed by this post ??, years later! Thank you so much for sharing, Rosilind. The LORD refresh you, just as you have refreshed me (us) ??.

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