Am I a Good Mom?

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The Keepers at Home Series:

Am I a good wife?

Am I a good mom?

This is a question that I believe continually plagues every wife and mom. And the quest to be a “good” wife and mom often leads to competition battles and lists that define what we believe a good wife and mom to be. Debates over these issues of whether good wives and moms:

keep the home tidy or spend time with their families while the dust piles up

use store bought detergents or make their own

are a size 2 or are a size that “has more to love”

use cloth or disposables

breastfeed or use formula

have natural/home births or opt for epidurals and c-sections

vaccinate or don’t vaccinate

eat only home-cooked/raw/natural foods or occasionally opt for fast-food

homeschool or send their kids to daycare or public school

stay at home or work outside of the home

The list is endless and each mom defends her decisions with a vengeance…backing it up with latest research, or reasons why she doesn’t follow society’s latest “good wife” or “good mom” fad.

But when the lights go out, and she lays in bed at night, the question nags at her…

“Am I a good mom?  And I a good wife?”

But is “good” defined by what we do or who we are?


I think we gravitate to what good does, because it is much easier to meet the standard. Very much like how many, deep inside, connect God’s favor with the good things they do.  

We are a society preoccupied with appearance and performance and place lesser importance on character.

And yet, when you look at the definition of “good” in Titus 2:5, you see that it means:

Being of pleasant nature and agreeable
Being joyful and happy
Being outstanding and distinguished
Being upright and honorable

None of these are activities that we perform. Being…

They are all things that we are.  Inside.  Our character.  Our nature.

God cares less about vaccinations and diapers or raw or processed foods; whether our kids are home-schooled or attend a public school and whether our homes are cleaned with chemicals or not…

He is, however, very concerned about our character. 

Are we pleasant to be around or are we argumentative and stormy?

Do we bring joy to our homes, or tension and stress?

Are we known by others as having good character, or do we have a bad reputation?

Do we have integrity and live our lives by the principles of God’s Word, or do we compromise when it suits us to do so?

Being a good wife and a good mom isn’t about doing, it’s about being

…it’s about character, it’s about our nature, it’s about the inward man being renewed day-by-day until we are conformed into God’s image.  

Because, in the end, man’s standard of goodness morphs and changes according to fad, fashion and society that defines what the role of a wife and mom should be…

But God’s Word is forever established in the heavens; it is never changing; it is solid and unmovable; and the standard by which it measures our goodness is, always has been and forever will be the same!

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  1. I was just thinking last night about how I measure my value as a wife based on things I do: Is the laundry done? Are meals on the table on time? Did I get the cookies baked for small group tomorrow?

    In reality, my husband is more blessed by the character traits you describe than by these practical tasks. With that being said, I think often times these character traits enable us to do the practical tasks of marriage and parenting with excellence. When our character is right with the Lord, these other things will often fall into place.

    I’ll add on here that I do think the Lord is concerned with choices we make regarding nutrition and keeping our homes (e.g., the food we feed our families, where/how our kids get educated). While these choices are not essential to our salvation, God gave us the ability to learn and discern which choices are beneficial and which are harmful to our families. If we know particular foods or chemicals are harmful, I believe the Lord is most pleased when we protect our families from these.

    Thanks for the encouraging post!

  2. What a beautiful much needed post!

    I’m a relatively new momma. I have a 15 month old son, and I find myself constantly questioning whether I am making the right decisions for him. (a lot of what you mentioned in your post) It seems everyone has an opinion about the ‘right’ way. I agree with you that it’s much about the ‘right’ heart!

    Thank you so much for sharing your heart with us. I was blessed by your words this morning!

  3. When I started reading your post, I thought of I Corinthians. Then, you brought in exactly what I was thinking of – it’s about how we do things, not what we do. Awesome post! Thanks for linking up at Motivation Monday.

  4. Hi R and R! I loved the line about judging good by what we do. That is so insightful. So true, we have to decide that we are good, because the Lord says we are, and because we are his. Love your message!
    So fun to meet you today 🙂

  5. Yes–to BE is where it must all begin. Then the being can turn into the doing, and the motives are pure. I don’t always get it right (who does but Jesus?) but that’s the goal. Thanks for sharing.

  6. It is hardest at the start. I remember that so well how opinionated people are, and how free they are with their opinions. But, in the end – it comes down to character and principle. When we have that right, everything else falls into proper perspective. 🙂 Thank you so much for stopping by!!!

  7. Yes – Character is the foundation for doing the other. We can’t focus on one and forget the other…that would not be good balance. Thank you so much for stopping by and reminding us of that! Have a blessed week!!

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