The Book That Took Our Marriage From Good to Great

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It’s not that my marriage was in trouble or anything. No, nothing like that.

We have only been married seven years – so we’re newbies. Add to this that when we married, Z and I were well into our 30’s and had been living on our own for more than a decade respectively. So you can imagine the adjustment we had as newly weds.

Z is a detailed perfectionist. Yea, all those times I said, “Oh well, he wont notice…”. Umm…,  yep he did.

I on the other hand am a pleaser.

You can see the dilemma already.

And in these seven years, we have butted heads many times. We didn’t have our first, real knock-down, drag-out fight until after our first child was born. With my background in childcare and his background….not in childcare, well, naturally I felt I was more qualified to make the decisions regarding our children.

He, naturally, felt that we should make them together, but that he should have the last word.

Looking back, I see he was right.

But, I viewed his opposing opinions as a disregard of my obviously superior qualifications. I was insecure as a new mom.

Can I let you in on a little secret? I was afraid to admit that deep inside I felt like the most unqualified human on the planet to raise a child. But he didn’t know that – and so he was unable to help boost my wavering confidence.

No, he viewed my reactions as any other person would have – stubbornness.

And the result wasn’t very pretty.

And we have disagreed rather hotly over matters regarding our children many times. I assume I am more qualified to make the final decision, he feels his position as head of the home grants him that right – and thus we battle over who will have the last word.

The battle that has held our marriage hostage to “good” rather than great.

I’ll be honest. I was quite smug when I started reading Darlene’s book “Messy Beautiful Love“. I was pretty sure I was a good wife.  After all, I know I’m a good cook, I am a meticulous housekeeper (okay, maybe a little OCD, but who’s keeping score, right?)….

…I even iron. Okay? So doesn’t that totally earn me the “Wife of the Year” award?

(hint – there is a Messy Beautiful Love book club starting next week…so keep reading)

It was with this humble view of myself (cough)  that I began reading her book, but it didn’t take long before that house of cards was swept to the ground by the wind of realism that I viewed myself through the prism of my intentions, not through the lens of my actions, reactions, and their visible attributes.

There were many times that I laid my Kindle aside and walked away. The humbling experience was too huge to take in all in one sitting.

And yet, I chose not to reject pain of this pruning. No, I needed to feel it – every bit of it – as the Lord faithfully cut away those branches that were keeping our marriage from being as fruitful as He intended it to be.

I will say that it hasn’t been easy to swallow the horse pill of humility….over and over again; to bite my tongue when I have the perfect comeback – dripping with juicy sarcasm; to beat down my pride when I am positive that I know better how our children should be dressed, disciplined, guided, or taught.

Sure – he respects my input, and even accepts my suggestions as valid – or even better than his.

But I’ve learned that by truly occupying my proper role as helpmeet; by truly submitting, not only by my intentions by also by my actions, I invite peace and blessing into my home.

Messy Beautiful Love has changed the whole tone of our marriage. It has launched it from being good to great.

Visit her site: Today’s Marriage Prayer and cover your marriage in prayer!!