The Secret To Becoming a Proverbs 31 Woman
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I used to hate Proverbs 31.
Yea, I’ll admit it. The Proverbs 31 woman used to really irritate me, because she was the impossible standard for every woman.
My friends would get married and would try to be The Proverbs 31 woman incarnate and I’d watch them stress themselves out to be the ultimate homemaker, wife, mother, and business owner; the first to rise and the last to go to bed.
And in the end, they would be disillusioned, stressed out, and exhausted.
While I realized that Proverbs 31 was, in fact, part of the Bible, which I firmly and unapologetic ally believe is the inerrant, infallible Word of God, I had a hard time resigning myself to the fact that God would place on women this unattainable goal of becoming the quintessential Proverbs 31 woman.
In our minds, we want to be her.
But in reality, when our children are toddlers and we’re trying to balance our homes, husbands, potty training, diapers, and dinners; trying to “train up our children in the way they should go” because we want with all our hearts for our kids to serve God; all while trying to hang on to our last shred of sanity…
…it almost doesn’t seem fair.
She is so calm and collected. We’re so frazzled and worn out.
She is adorned in purple. We’re adorned in yoga pants and spit-up.
Her children arise and call her blessed. Our children arise and shout “no!”
She opens her mouth with wisdom. We open our mouths and read “Goodnight Moon” for the 50th time this week.
So yes, at one time I felt the same affection for her about the same as I feel for Martha Stewart; whose magazine was forbidden to arrive at my address, so my roommate had to have it sent to her dad’s house.
It wasn’t until I read this book by Courtney Joseph from Women Living Well, that I realized that God didn’t want me to do everything The Proverbs 31 woman did.
He didn’t want me to be her.
He just wanted me to have her character.
I’m me. With all my faults and idiosyncrasies, of which are many. I also have some good qualities, which I often give much less attention.
And God wants to reshape my faults, use my good qualities, and even my idiosyncrasies to make me the best wife and mother I can be.
Proverbs 31 is here to give us an example of character.
So, maybe you won’t burn the midnight oil, but your diligence is evident in many other areas.
Maybe you aren’t good at haggling over a piece of land, but you rock the coupons and your frugality is an example to which your friends seek to aspire.
Perhaps you don’t make tapestry, or even sew, but you’re an amazing bargain shopper.
Maybe you look at this list and think, “Man, I don’t have any of these qualities!”
Yea – I get that. Because I have thought many times myself.
But I have a question for you:
Are you a treasure to your husband? Do your children honor you? Is your home a happy and joyful place to be?
In my post What Submission Really Means, I blogged about how my creativity and frugality were causing tension in the home. Though I’m sure my husband appreciated my efforts, he wasn’t terribly impressed with the outcome.
By choosing a happy home over “working with my hands” and being frugal in this area, my home became a happier place.
Proverbs 31 Woman isn’t about us all becoming Stepford Wives. God is far more creative than that!!
He created you with your personality and capabilities. He even created you with your limitations, that perhaps discourage you from ever trying to become The Proverbs 31 woman.
But you know what?
He doesn’t want you to become her, He wants you to be the best wife to your husband you can be.
And that is what this chapter is all about!
Perhaps your husband doesn’t need you to be an entrepreneur. But he does need you to keep the home tidy because he brings clients home a lot.
Rock your homemaking skills!
Perhaps you live on a farm and so “fine linen” is really impractical, so rock those jeans and flannel!!
The Proverbs 31 Woman knows her family’s needs and meets them with grace and skill; with love and selflessness.
Those are qualities we can all become better at.
So now that I understand this chapter better, The Proverbs 31 Woman and I are back on speaking terms again.
And – yes – I want to be like her.
I want to serve my family with grace and skill, love, and selfless giving.
Resources for Marriage:
1. 30-Day Prayer Challenge for Marriage
Learn more about my 30 Day Prayer Challenge for Marriage here.
2. 14 Days of Agape Video-Based Bible Study
Learn more about this exciting and revolutionary Bible study when you click here or the image below.
3. My Book Reviews
The Book That Took My Marriage from Good to Great
Silver Threads – a Look at the Older Women from Titus 2
When Marriage Isn’t What You Dreamed
4. My favorite books on marriage:
(You can also check these out in my online store)
Women Living Well: Find Your Joy in God, Your Man, Your Kids, and Your HomeMessy Beautiful Love: Hope and Redemption for Real-Life Marriages
Silver Threads: Weaving Godly Wisdom Into the Lives of Younger Women
The Unveiled Wife: Embracing Intimacy with God and Your Husband
Every Wife’s Choice: Loving Beyond the Mood of the Moment
Hope for the Hurting Wife: 30 Days of Practical Encouragement for Your Marriage
100 Prayers for Your Marriage: Draw Close to Each Other and Closer to God
Messy Beautiful Love: Hope and Redemption for Real-Life Marriages
The Good Wife’s Guide: Embracing Your Role as a Help Meet
The Power of a Praying® Wife
The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts
The Act of Marriage: The Beauty of Sexual Love
5. More A Little R & R articles on marriage:
4 Powerful Ways to Invest Your Marriage
5 Ways to Revive Intimacy in Marriage
Wives Submit To Your Own Husbands
3 Ways to Tear Your House Down
Is Your Husband Your Spiritual Leader?
The Secret to Becoming a Proverbs 31 Woman
Supporting Your Husband in the Ministry
Preventative Maintenance In Your Marriage
Hi Rosilind,
I feel that it is a road map that leads to what God wants us to become. Through Christ Jesus all things are possible. I think it is a wonderful thing to sit up a standard or goal so to speak and then try and reach that. I also, feel that we can’t do anything within our own selves… Nothing is impossible with God. He knows that we are not without flaws. I am not married now. My husband divorced me years ago. So, I don’t have to be a wife at all. All of my children are grown. But I still try to guide them as much as I can and as much as they will allow me. I often wonder what is my purpose now. I was the director of a youth ministry not that long ago…but feel that I fell royally at that. I have made many mistakes in my life and continue do so…but the one I regret the most is the one’s that I made with my children. Being a Godly wife and mother is so important. It took me a while to figure that out. I desire to be a Proverb 31 woman…and I believe that I have progressed…when my daughter is home from school it feels just like I am her servant. I enjoyed reading this article. You are a wonderful writer.
Yes – it is a road map. I wish I would have realized that earlier.
So much love and truth in this post! Love it and can’t wait to share it.
Thank you, Shelly!!
Great words, Rosilind!
I really like this comment, “I want to serve my family with grace and skill, love and selfless giving.” What a great summary of Proverbs 31~
Came over on Women Helping Women.
Hope you have a blessed day~
Melanie
Thank you, Melanie!
This post is right on target! I loved the yoga pants and spit up, its so true!! I truly believe God is more concerned about hearts than our outward actions. We have to remember that this woman achieved all of this in a lifetime so we need to stop being so hard on ourselves! I love Courtney’s book, its a great resource!
Yes – you are so right! We only have the rest of our lives to get it right. And it’s our hearts that matter most.
Rosilind, this post caught my attention because when some friends and I were forming a new women’s Bible study group, we deliberately did NOT call ourselves “Proverbs 31”! We felt that to do so would be: 1)setting ourselves up for failure by comparison; and/or 2)insinuating that we felt we had already arrived at that high standard. I appreciate your viewpoint on this Biblical benchmark! 🙂 Stopping by from Coffee & Conversation!
I think a lot of people feel this way, Elizabeth. And it’s sad, because I think that the Proverbs 31 woman is someone to admire and aspire to be. It’s sad that we’ve begun to avoid talking about her qualities and the noble ambition to work towards cultivating those character traits she displayed.
Well said. I’ve always thought that God described this woman this way because He was covering all the bases. Different women excel at different things, but like you pointed out if we’re doing the best to make our own home a place our family loves then we’re doing the right thing.
You’re right. We all excel in different areas, what matters is that our family feels loved and secure…provided for and proud of their home.
This is very encouraging to me. I am a young wife and mother , and I have been through a lot in my 23 years on this earth, but as I have got older I’ve really wanted to make God happy and follow his ways And all the time I set this high goal for myself to try to be and act like the proverbs 31 woman and when you fail at your goals it’s a big set back and you just want to throw in the towel. But this blog has really helped me! Thank you for writing it!
I am so glad this helped you. We can be so incredibly hard on ourselves, can’t we?
God is good
Yes He is!
Hello, i am in the rut rught niw of where i have been trying to become a proverbs 31 woman but after reading this i see i must learn the characteristics. Me and my husband are going through very rough moments where he is tired of everything and wants to b on his own. But i continue to pray for God to intervene and not allow us to separate. I have taken him for granted so many times and he has done soo much more and sacrificed so much more than i have. I feel like i dont deserve him…. i pray that God will keep us, and we can grow stronger from these issues. I am not sure if the study is still available, but i need support from other Godly women who are doing for their husband and kids, as well as living for the Lord. If i dont hear from you i understand
God bless
Tiffany, thank you so much for stopping by to share your story. I pray that you will be able to work things out. The study isn’t actively going on right now, but you can still access all of the material and do it on your own. If you’d like more information, feel free to email me at rosilind @ rosilindjukic . com and I’ll point you to where you can find it all.
I would like to join in !
Hi Jessica, this study was for last summer, however you can still read all of the posts over at http://www.womenlivingwell.org