Am I A Man-Pleaser?

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Why do I write here at A Little R & R?

Why do I sometimes use provocative titles for my blog posts? Do I seek to please men?

Why am I so concerned about how many hits I get a day and how many social media followers I receive? Why do the negative comments still sting a bit?

Am I am man-pleaser?

What does it mean to be a man-pleaser and how do we know if we live to please God more than men? I don't think the answer is as easy as we think.

I have been silent here for a couple of weeks.

I started April off with a post on “What Does the Bible Say About Grief”, following the sudden passing of my blogging bestie Mandy.

And then the words dried up.

Since then, grief has come in waves, just as the comfort of the Holy Spirit, and I have been leaning into it and allowing the waves of grief wash over me, and the loving arms of the Comforter hold me. It has been good for me to pull back and allow this process to unfold in my heart as it has healed much more in me than just this recent loss.

And yet, the silence has allowed my heart to ponder some deeper things.

Why do I write?
Why do I promote so heavily on social media?
What is my motivation for talking about some of the controversial issues I’ve blogged about?

To be sure, many times my motivation is to teach, to instruct, to enlighten my readers about what God’s Word says about these things.

But sometimes my motivation is a little less pure.

What does it mean to be a man-pleaser?

This is something I’ve been pondering the past couple of days.

I think many times we get the picture of an insecure person looking for constant adulation from those around him to boost his confidence.

But I think pleasing man goes even deeper than that.

If I write a controversial article, with the intention to provoke my readers, and claim “Ha! I’m not a man pleaser! And this proves it, because I don’t care what people think, I just speak my mind!” and then gloat in the backlash I get (while enjoying the amazing traffic I’m getting because of a snarky post gone viral), I am still a man pleaser.

Just a man-pleaser of a different variety.

I believe that a true God-alone-pleaser is  person who is genuinely so honed in on what pleases God that he has no time to be preoccupied by the reaction of others: whether they are cheering him on or deriding him.

I believe a true God-alone-pleaser doesn’t have to prove that he doesn’t please man by provoking others, because he has nothing to prove.

He’s pleasing to God and that’s all his worth and value.

I also believe that a truth God-alone-pleaser takes no pleasure in provoking those around him (except possibly to seek the Scriptures) because He knows that it doesn’t please God to provoke, because 1 Corinthians 13 says that love doesn’t provoke.

These thoughts are causing me to rethink much of what I do here at A Little R & R.

I want to make the most of my time here on earth. I want use every second of my time for His glory, not waste it in vain elevation of self.

I want to lay up my treasures in heaven, not here on earth.

I want A Little R & R to point people back to the cross, not grow a fan club dedicated to me and my corner of the Internet.

I want to be a true God-alone-pleaser.

A God chaser.

A God-alone-follower.

So much so, that I’m not preoccupied by the praise and criticism of man.


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  1. I am grateful that when surfing the web I came across your blog. I needed to here this so much. I have been a man pleaser since I was a little girl. I tried pleasing my mother but it did not work. Thank you so much. and keep up the good work.

  2. Hi Rosilind, Yes, I also tend to be a people pleaser, and some other things I wasn’t even aware of, but I’ve learned so much thru my “Safe People” class. I pray God will help me to focus on just me and if someone learns from my example, that’s great. My goal is to use more “I messages” and less “You messages.” And to stop talking so much and trying to influence others. 🙂

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