6 Reasons People Leave Church—and What We Should Consider Before Leaving
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Have you ever wondered why people leave a church?
Sometimes the reasons are serious. A church may teach false doctrine, tolerate harmful behavior, or have leadership problems that make it difficult for people to grow in their faith.
But sometimes people leave for reasons that deserve a closer look.
They don’t like the worship style. They don’t feel connected to the people. They aren’t getting as much out of the service as they expected. Or a disagreement has left them feeling hurt and disappointed.
The truth is that no church is perfect.
The church is the body of Christ, made up of people with different gifts, personalities, backgrounds, and levels of spiritual maturity. And because we are all still growing, every congregation will have its share of weaknesses and difficulties.
That doesn’t mean we should ignore serious problems or remain in an unhealthy situation. But it does mean we should carefully examine our own hearts before deciding that leaving is the best answer.
Scripture reminds us that we are members of one body, each with a unique role to fulfill (Romans 12:4–5). We need one another, and our participation in the local church gives us opportunities to worship together, grow in faith, serve others, and encourage one another.
But biblical unity doesn’t mean ignoring serious problems. We need both a willingness to extend grace and the discernment to recognize when something is wrong.
Below are six reasons people leave church
Before you walk away from your church, here are six common reasons people leave—and some biblical questions worth considering first.
1. They don’t like the worship style
Music in the church has always been a bit of a dividing point, because different generations have their own preferences and different cultures have their own styles.
Yet, we must remember that when we come to church, we come to worship the Lord.
What makes the church beautiful and irresistible is when we can lay our differences aside and join together in unity as we worship the Lord.
We have gathered together to glorify the Lord.
So while the style of music may not be our favorite, we can join together in unity that the Lord is worthy to be praised.
2. They don’t feel they’re getting anything out of the service
One of the common traps we can fall into as congregants is looking at the church from a consumer point of view.
We often think of church as the “filling station”. I’ve heard that analogy many times, but I don’t agree with it because it makes the church a place to serve me – the consumer.
Church isn’t a filling station; it is a place where we gather together to worship God. We go there to serve Him. Yes, we serve Him individually throughout the week, but one day a week we all come together to serve Him corporately.
Church isn’t meant to be a consumer experience. We gather to worship God, grow in His Word, encourage one another, and serve together. Rather than asking only what we can get from a church, we can also ask what God wants to do in us and through us as members of His body.
We aren’t consumers. We’re worshipers.
3. The church is too big or too small
Sometimes we treat church much like Goldilocks and the Three Bears.
One church is too hot, another is too cold. One church is too small, and another is too big. We go around trying them on until we find one that fits.
Until it doesn’t.
And then we go out trying on more churches.
What if we were to change our point of view and ask ourselves, “Is there an area in my life where I can grow and serve in this church?”
Many times, our own personal investment in the church helps us to look at the church as a family, and not a piece of clothing we try on.
4. They don’t feel they fit in.
For many years, I didn’t feel that I fit in with my church. I didn’t seem to connect with anyone, and while I would have fun conversations with people, there wasn’t anyone that I could genuinely say was a close friend.
I will admit, there were times I felt tempted to look for a church where I fit in better. Where I felt like I was among family.
But I knew God had called me to the church I was in, and so I chose to continue to show up, serve, and bless my church.
After some time, a funny thing happened.
New women began to come with whom I was able to form a beautiful bond, and the church where I didn’t feel I fit in became my family, and I began to find my place.
Many times, we just need to give it time.
Keep showing up, look for opportunities to serve, and take small steps toward building relationships. Sometimes finding our place in a church takes longer than we expect.
As we invest in others and welcome new people, God may provide the friendships and sense of belonging we’ve been longing for.
5. They disagree with the way things are done
This reason is one of the most common reasons people leave a church.
There are times when this reason is legitimate, especially when it is a matter of doctrine, abusive leadership style, or a biblical concern.
However, if it is a superficial matter, we can ask ourselves, “Does God want me to be the change that will help this church grow and be a greater blessing in our community?”
This question often comes back to the question of whether we will be a consumer or an investor.
6. They have experienced conflict
This can be one of the most painful ways a person can leave a church. Not only for the ones who have left, but also for the ones left behind.
I have seen people leave over a conflict in these ways:
- They chose to leave quietly, still choosing to bless those who stay.
- They chose to leave abruptly and cut off those who chose to stay, leaving a myriad of questions and speculation behind them.
- They chose to leave in a storm, riling up those around them to keep the conflict going for as long as possible.
- They chose to leave in a group, gathering around them a group of supporters, splintering the church as they left.
This can easily become one of the most destructive things to happen to a church.
One of the things I have come to realize in my many years of being a pastor’s daughter, a ministry leader, and simply a church member is this:
No church is perfect.
Every church is flawed.
If we look hard enough, we can find all kinds of things wrong with our church, pastor, pastor’s wife, deacon board, and various ministries that are housed in our church.
But if we look even harder, we’ll find all kinds of good that we should be focused on!
When Leaving a Church May Be the Right Decision
While it’s important to examine our own expectations and attitudes, we must also recognize that not every church situation is healthy.
False teaching, spiritual manipulation, abuse of authority, and serious misconduct should not be dismissed as ordinary disagreements or personal preferences.
Extending grace does not mean ignoring sin. Pursuing unity does not mean concealing wrongdoing. And honoring church leadership does not mean surrendering our responsibility to exercise biblical discernment.
If you have serious concerns about your church, seek wise, trustworthy counsel and consider the situation carefully. If abuse or danger is involved, prioritize safety and seek appropriate help rather than feeling obligated to confront the person responsible.
Sometimes the right response is to work toward reconciliation. Sometimes it is to establish boundaries. And sometimes leaving is necessary.
The goal isn’t to stay in a church at all costs. It’s to honor Christ, remain grounded in His Word, and seek a healthy place to worship and grow.
Before You Decide to Leave Your Church
No church is perfect because no congregation is made up of perfect people. We all bring our weaknesses, expectations, and growing edges into the body of Christ.
Before leaving over a frustration or disagreement, ask yourself whether you have allowed room for grace, sought understanding, and considered how you might contribute to a solution.
But don’t use the imperfections of people as a reason to overlook serious problems, either.
We need both humility and discernment.
If you’re considering leaving your church, my prayer is that you’ll seek God’s wisdom, examine your own heart, and take your next step thoughtfully—not out of pride, pressure, or fear, but with a desire to honor Christ.
And if you do need to find a new church, I’ve put together a practical guide to help you know what to look for.
Read my 4 Tips to Find a Church and download the printable checklist.
I definitely appreciate your point of view but I have to disagree on number 1 and number 2. If the worship is not for me, I don’t receive in the same way. As much as I would like to say that all church should be for every person, I believe that there are many churches for many different people. I also think that getting something out of the service is a necessity. If you don’t get anything out of the service, why do you go. You can read the Bible on your own, you can create the relationship with God on your own. You don’t need to attend a service if you don’t feel that you connect to it
I do think that when we’re in a church-finding stage, it is perfectly fine to take these things into account. My post is more for those who are already involved with a church and start finding faults with their church instead of extending grace and love.
Excellent points, Rosilind! People have left churches because the drums were too loud. Or there isn’t an organ playing. When I was younger, I never really liked the hymns. But, as I got older and Jesus changed my heart, I allowed the words to pierce my heart and those hymns are so precious to me now. My heart of worship changed. This is so important to teach our kids – how to have a HEART of worship. Sure, they might not like every song that is sung, but when we have our own family worship at home, we can pick whatever song we want to. I also know that most worship directors/leaders prayerfully consider the songs that are to be sung every Sunday.
Point number 2 is the same approach as reading your Bible. If your heart is not prepared to receive what God has for you, you won’t get anything from it. This has certainly been my own experience over the many years I’ve attended church. If there really isn’t something for me in a sermon, then I pray that others in the congregation hear what God has for them. But then I still get ‘something’ – the blessing of praying for my brothers and sisters.
I didn’t really ‘fit in’ with my last church. But we stayed. We were quite involved in various aspects. We served. Even after 7 years, our family still did not fit in and there was a lot of hurt surrounding some issues. But we stayed until we moved to another town. If we had left, I would have missed out on so much…like the way my sisters prayed over me and gave me Godly wisdom when my heart was shattered. That is such a precious memory for me.
And the last one…oh boy, I have seen that happen and you are right. The effects of this destruction lasts for years. The way you described it happening is so true. One person is offended – and this can be by anything – and they talk to others about it and get them on ‘their side’. Eventually, after cruel words and heated arguments, the church splits.
All of this grieves the heart of God. They do not display His design for the Church. In fact, it just shows Christians as a bunch of complaining, easily offended, bickering, nit-pickers.
I love what you said here, because sometimes God will keep us in a situation that is less than what think is ideal because He wants to change US! Sometimes we get so caught up in what we see wrong in others that we fail to see how our own attitudes toward them are wrong, too. And many times when we change we realize that others weren’t wrong, just different. 🙂
I really appreciate this article. I too have seen people leave a church for so many different reasons. I don’t agree with number 1 however. Many times music ‘worship’ services are so flashy and loud that the message is lost. The true reason for us to sing for the Lord is to worship Him. Not draw people in. Sometimes the style of worship CAN be too distracting. If it’s 90% style and 10% message…style has taken over. If you were to strip down the 90% style and keep only the 10% message, people would most likely say it was boring. The message must be the main thing.
That being said…I think one of the worst excuses (a much more accurate and appropriate word rather than reason) I have seen people leave the church is, “We are just not being fed spiritually”. The same people only come to church once a week and never pick up their Bible the rest of the week. No one can survive on only 1 meal a week. They plop down in church and say “Fill me up!”…but they never get involved in any kind of ministry or help.
I think when it’s all boiled down, this is the most accurate statement concerning church: We were never meant to attend church for our benefit. We go so that we can worship the Lord, and honor Him. Just like we dont go to a wedding for our own reasons, or a graduation for ourselves, we go to honor the person or loved one we know. We go to honor and pay tribute to them. So many people think church is all about them. But it is meant to be about the Lord! Anything we get out of it is simply a bonus and blessing for us. If we are only going for our own reasons….we will never get anything out of it at all.
Thank you for chiming in on the discussion here. I appreciate it so much. I did write a follow up to this post that I think addresses what you’re trying to say about point #1. I think in this instance, when worship becomes more about entertainment than about the presence of God, the church has lost her vision and purpose, and perhaps even her honor for God’s presence. I wrote about that here: https://rosilindjukic.com/reasons-leave-church/
i seemed to have been going to this church because i came back home from Oregon and it was the church that my mother and sister have gone to.. I have tried leaving several times because i feel like i can not connect with the Pastor. I have been scared to leave because i don’t want to hurt my family and i don’t want anyone to feel poorly about me, and i feel like an out cast in church and that i am going through the motions. I tithe and offer to this church but have been told that my money will perish with me if i don’t get a firm relationship with Jesus. I don’t understand how to have a true relationship with the Lord and feel like i need to start over because of my shaky foundation i don’t know him as my father. I am very open to exposing myself in the Lord and showing my faults. and it makes some of my brothers and sisters uncomfortable. i am not finding fault with my ministry out of respect to my Pastors but i truly think it may be time for me to leave.
The doctrine is sound but i never felt like this was my church home. i am sad and depressed in church.
What should i do i have been attending this for close to 6 years now
A decision to leave a church is a very serious and sobering one. I would commit time to prayer and fasting, and turn to a trusted person who is able to remain objective and whom you trust to speak truth in love. I wrote more about that in this follow up post: https://rosilindjukic.com/reasons-leave-church/
We want to try and go back to church. I agree that it wasn’t smart for my family to stop going just because we felt we didn’t fit in. Like you said, we should try and go back and be more willing to serve!
It’s hard when you don’t feel like you fit in. in 2013 I went through 1 Corinthians 13 line by line….and put together a study from what it taught me about the body of Christ. I’ll be leading that study starting February 12. Perhaps it would be meaningful for your family. https://rosilindjukic.com/product/14-days-of-agape/
Hello Rosilind – thank you for your insightful observations. There is at least one more reason, however, that might be included in a list of why people hesitate to return to church . . . they are broken hearted and find it so painful to be reminded of all they have lost in the name of “Christianity.” Of course, this should never be interpreted that these people have walked away from the LORD – but for some of us who have been wounded deeply by other Christians, going to church causes so much anguish and trauma that it becomes unhealthy. Perhaps some would see that as just an “excuse” but that is not actually true for everyone who has become “non-churched.” Which is different from “unchurched” in that many of us have been Christians for decades, and for many of those decades our church and family were our whole universe – but so many painful and devastating events have occurred in our lives at the hands of others who claim to know the LORD Jesus that we are simply . . . . afraid to go to church. I miss church and will probably try again, but it is terrifying to me to walk back into a place that holds so many memories of hurt, loss, abuse, manipulation, and trauma. I hope that those who judge others for “not going to church” realize that we are still “the Church” but we have to distance ourselves from the ongoing pain that is debilitating and preventing us from functioning normally the other days of the week. Thank you for listening and caring about people who have not been embraced by a church family for whatever reason.