Should Christian Parents Teach Their Children Safe Sex?
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How should we as parents approach the subject of sexual intimacy with our children in this generation where children lose their virginity so young?
Can we expect our children should remain abstinent until marriage, or is that setting them up for failure?
We know what the Bible says, but is it enough?
The church today is in a great moral crisis.
For nearly two decades now, youth pastors have been warning about the increasing rate of fornication among teens, and it has become an epidemic, as more and more teens are admitting their porn addiction and are coming out as homosexuals and transgender.
Things that for my generation were the exception and not the rule.
As my oldest is fast approaching puberty (I can’t believe we’re here already!) I find myself asking how I can prepare him to stand strong in his generation, and be an example of godly sexuality.
Should Christian Parents Teach Their Children Safe Sex?
I was scrolling through Facebook not long ago, and happened on a video by someone I enjoyed following.
Usually her videos are funny or uplifting, but this particular one was on the weighty topic of teen sexuality, and a conversation she had with her daughter about what the Bible says about sex outside of marriage.
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When the video ended, I found myself disturbed.
And even more so when I read some of the numerous comments by Christian parents, sharing the advice that they’ve given their teens.
The Bible….and safe sex
The mom in the video (and many of the moms who commented) shared with her daughter what God’s Word says about sex outside of marriage.
And that part encouraged me!
The Bible has a lot to say about premarital sex, both in the Old and New Testament.
In fact, God feels so strongly about it that in the Old Testament it was a sin that resulted in capital punishment. In the New Testament, Paul says this, “Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body
Yet, before the video was finished, this mom explained that while she’d explained to her daughter what God’s Word says, she also explained to her about safe sex.
Wait! What?
The comments that followed applauded her as mom after mom shared how they’d done the same thing.
Explained what the Bible says and then followed it up with a conversation about safe sex.
The problem with the Bible and safe sex
It’s clear to me now why this generation of young people are mired in a moral crisis of epic proportions. It is because they are hearing a distorted message about the Bible and God’s expectations for sex.
The message they’re hearing is, “The Bible says no sex before marriage, but since He knows that’s unreasonable, here’s what to do to avoid negative consequences for violating His command.”
And with this message, they begin to get a distorted picture of God Himself.
That God doesn’t take His own Word seriously.
That He will look the other way when we sin.
That He doesn’t want to stand in the way of our happiness – even temporary happiness, so if we “slip up”, it’s okay as long as we were happy doing it.
What has resulted is a generation of young people who call themselves Christians but find themselves utterly incapable of relating to the Bible at all.
Because the Bible is stringent in it’s laws and commands that God, in fact, expects us to keep, yet the God they’ve grown up with is lenient and easily manipulated.
Can abstinence be expected of our kids?
I remember back to my early teen years, my dad gathered us all in the living room one morning for family devotions.
Before devotions were over, he explained that there were four things our family simply did not do:
- Drink alcohol
- Smoke
- Do drugs
- Have sex outside of marriage
Interestingly, my dad never did follow that statement up with, “And if you come home and I find out that you did…..”
He never entertained the thought that we would violate these four things.
The expectation was laid down that these four things were a very serious offense in our home, and that we simply would not do them.
Between the three of us, we have done some pretty stupid things in life, but in all of the dumb stuff we’ve done, we’ve never done these four things.
Children want to fulfill our expectations, and when we lay them down, they will rise to the occasion.
Yes, abstinence until marriage in our generation is possible.
It may not be easy, but it is possible.
I’m living proof that abstinence until marriage is possible; even in this age when it is considered freakish and weird. I was abstinent to the day I got married at the age of 34.
Stop giving loopholes
In an age where political corruption is rampant all around the world, we are way too familiar with loopholes in the law that enable us to get away with just about anything.
But here’s a truth we must remember:
God isn’t corrupt and His law doesn’t have loopholes. There is no bargaining with God. Several places in the New Testament it says that He has set His law in our hearts.
We are without excuse.
If there was a reason we should set the bar high for our kids and lay down seemingly impossible expectations, it is for this reason:
That God is serious about immorality and His consequences are severe.
Should Christian Parents Teach Their Children Safe Sex?
So, the answer is no.
The message is confusing and distorted. It fails to lay down the expectation to keep God’s law.
It violates Scripture in myriad of places, not the least of which, “Keep your heart with all diligence, for out of it spring the issues of life.” Proverbs 4:23
It deceptively teaches them that God’s Law has loopholes and sets them up for serious spiritual consequences later on.
For Christian parents teaching their children about godly sexuality, there is only one option: abstinence until marriage.
But in doing so, that we teach them the joy of sex within the bonds of marriage, the joy of obedience to God’s Word, and the joy of living and dwelling in His pleasure when we live lives surrendered to His commands!
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“The Bible says no sex before marriage, but since He knows that’s unreasonable, here’s what to do to avoid negative consequences for violating His command.”
So basically “God through the Bible says no sex before marriage, the Bible teaches that sex outside of marriage is a sin.
But just incase you sin, here’s how you do it”
Makes no sense.
It’s really sad how Christians have compromised so much, and have conformed to the standard of the world.
Great post Rosilind.
Was a bit worried there for a second when I saw the title of your e-mail. But got more and more impressed as I continued to read your view, your thoughts, your stand and your answer to that question.
I completely agree with you.
I am glad you decided to read the post. I do sometimes use titles in my post and email to create that question mark….to not give away what the post is about. I always hope it will compel people to read. 🙂
I taught my kids the basics about the different forms of birth control, including natural family planning. I mostly taught them that so that if and when they get married they can make an educated choice about their family planning options. However, I also taught them the risks of each form, the effectiveness rates of each one, and emphasized the fact that no method of birth control can prevent the emotional and spiritual cost of premarital sex. When you can tell your kids that condoms are almost completely ineffective against HPV, and the scary high percentage of Americans that have it, I think it helps reinforce the truth that God doesn’t give us these rules because He wants to suck the fun out of life. He has given us rules to protect us because He loves us.
Yes – God gave us boundaries as a protection against the consequences we face when we violate His Word. We must remember that sex is far more than just procreation or expression of love – it is a picture of Christ and the church. This is precisely why the Bible says that all other sins are against the body, but the sin of sexual immorality is a sin against the Spirit, because it defiles the picture God gave us to remind us of how He loves the church!
Hi. Although my teenager is now 35 and happily married, I NEVER talked to him about safe sex as an option. I only talked about NO SEX! And he and his precious wife are teaching the same thing to my grandchildren.
Thank you for taking this stand. God bless you!
What a beautiful testimony!! Thank you so much for taking the time to share this. More families need to know that we CAN raise our children to view sex through the biblical prism and hold to that standard of joyful purity!