3 Reasons Why the Safe Sex Message is Dangerous

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I was somewhat dissatisfied with my post “Should Christian Parents Teach Their Children Safe Sex“.

As I hit “Publish”, I felt like there was still so much left to be said, that there were avenues of this discussion I hadn’t yet explored and that needed to be addressed.

My heart and prayer with this mini-series is that it will provide Christian parents with a topic to consider and information that will help them lay a strong foundation for moral purity in their children.

mother and daughter walking in a field holding frozen drinks

The pervading argument in Christian families today is that children are likely to have sex before marriage, so while we should tell them what the Bible says, we are obligated to also give them tools to keep them safe.

This was stated time and again in the comments on my Facebook post.

Am I naive to think that if I instill in them a strong fear of the Lord and a foundation for moral purity my kids will save sex for marriage? I don’t think so.

I know I’m not just burying my head in the sand.

If, as a Christian, I believe that giving our children tools for safe sex isn’t the answer, there must be another answer and that answer is not to ignore it and pretend it goes away.

The answer is to give them different tools.

  • Tools that will help them navigate the dangerous waters of this generation that is obsessed with sex.
  • Tools that will help keep them strong when temptation arises – as it most certainly will.
  • Tools that will give them an answer for those who mock their virginity and resolution for moral purity
  • Tools that will make sex wonderful and exciting when they’ve finally said “I Do” to the right person.

I don’t only believe that the safe sex message is the wrong answer; I believe it is a dangerous one.

3 Reasons Why the Safe Sex Message is Dangerous

It grieves me more than I can say to see just how much the church has allowed this humanistic doctrine to so infiltrate that we are more than willing to lay aside God’s Word and His righteous commands to help our children avoid consequences that will cause them and us pain.

Even more so, we have bought into to the lie that our animalistic nature is too powerful for us to control. A lie rooted in evolution.

Of course we can control our hormones and sexual desires. Single people who have committed themselves to moral purity have done it for centuries and still do it.

It doesn’t mean that they don’t have sexual desires, it just means that they have found something far greater, far more desirable, than sex: the pleasure of God.

Furthermore, our lack of faith has caused us to lower our expectations, giving our children a loophole out of keeping God’s commands, as we pretend that He will simply look the other way while our children defile an act that God created to be holy.


A union between a man and a woman reserved for marriage.

We have forgotten that sex is far more than just two people “sleeping together” that could result in a baby or a disease.

It is a sacred act that God created, it is consecrated, and any defilement of that sacred, holy act comes with very severe consequences, as we will see in point two.

This is precisely what Paul said, “Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body.” (Emphasis mine)

1. Safe sex isn’t safe

This is the dirty little secret about safe sex. It isn’t actually safe. There is no fail-safe method to prevent pregnancy or STDs other than abstinence.

But is that all we want to protect our kids from?

There are emotional consequences of sexual intimacy with someone you are not in a marriage covenant with; and a piece of rubber, a device, a shot or a pill will do nothing at all to prevent that.

These “safe sex” tools do absolutely nothing to prevent a young girl or boy from feeling like they’ve been used and tossed aside because they gave in to someone who pressured them to have sex.

It certainly will not protect them from feeling that same feeling over and over and over again as they keep believing that next time will be different.

So, how safe is safe sex?

Not very safe.

2. It focuses on the physical consequences

The message of safe sex focuses entirely on the physical consequences of having sex outside of marriage.

Many who commented on the Facebook post of my article “Should Christian Parents Teach Their Kids Safe Sex” argued that the responsible thing to do is make sure that if (and when) they “mess up”, they at least have safe guards in place.

And while these safe guards have varying levels of effectiveness against these, our sole focus is on the physical consequences of this sinful action.

As we discovered in point 1, there are extreme emotional consequences as well – leading to a pervasive feeling of deep emptiness that is never filled.

But there is another far dire consequence that is almost completely ignored: and that is a spiritual consequence.

As Christians, God has given us commands that can be found in Scripture; commands that He expects us to keep and He gives no loopholes for getting out of keeping those laws or experiencing the consequences for violating them.

And while I believe there is an unending well of grace for those who have fallen in sin, there is a cavernous difference between falling in sin and walking in sin.

A Christian can fall in sin (though typically there was a path to that fall that is littered with wrong choices and warnings that were ignored).

A Christian cannot walk in sin. 1 John tells us that we cannot love God and walk in darkness.

Giving our kids the dangerous message of safe sex is enabling them, and essentially approving of, their decision to walk in sin. To willfully choose to sin.

Hebrews 10:26-31 is a warning to us about what we do to Christ’s sacrifice by willfully sinning!

For if we sin willfully after we have received the knowledge of the truth, there no longer remains a sacrifice for sins, but a certain fearful expectation of judgment, and fiery indignation which will devour the adversaries. Anyone who has rejected Moses’ law dies without mercy on the testimony of two or three witnesses. Of how much worse punishment, do you suppose, will he be thought worthy who has trampled the Son of God underfoot, counted the blood of the covenant by which he was sanctified a common thing, and insulted the Spirit of grace? … It is a fearful thing to fall into the hands of the living God. (Emphasis mine)

How severe do you think the consequences will be for our kids, and for us, who have forgotten that willful sin is literally

  • Trampling Jesus Christ under our feet
  • Negating the value of His blood
  • Insulting the Holy Spirit

Do we really think God will look the other way? Do we really think the consequences will be insignificant?

This is why we need the fear of the Lord back in the house of God; because judgement is coming and it will be swift and severe!

3. It distorts the face of God

As I’ve talked to Millennial Christians about the Bible, one thing I discover over and over is that their image of God doesn’t at all align with the God of the Bible.

As they have committed to reading through the Bible cover to cover for the first time, they are suddenly confronted with a God that is completely different from the God they’ve always envisioned.

This is the result of having been taught a wrong god.

And I believe it has been an unconscious act on the part of parents and preachers who have avoided talking too much about sin and the consequences of sin out of fear.

Or perhaps because they felt they were being hypocritical, because they are (or were) guilty of those same sins.

What has resulted is a distorted image of God: they see God as lenient, easily manipulated, and preoccupied with the notion that we have a happy life.

And He will look past anything that will stand in the way of our happiness.

I actually heard a Christian leader say that God loved her more than He loved a certain command He gave in Scripture.

This is the pervasive view of God in this generation today – and it is distorted.

The problem is, one day we will be confronted with God for who He actually is: whether now through His Word or on judgement day.

Teaching our kids same sex is dangerous because it distorts God’s image and enables them to live willfully sinful lives, something for which they (and we) will later give an account when we finally see God’s face clearly!

Dear friend, I know this post flies in the face of culture today. I know that this may challenge a belief you have. The notion that we will eventually send our kids out into a world where temptation will bombard them every second of their day without what culture has defined as “safe guards” is terrifying. The question is, who will we trust? Culture or God’s Word?

Layout of Bible verses for sanctification
verses about sanctification bookmark layout
layout of Bible verses for purity
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  1. The facts you present are biblical. I pray parents read and use this message to teach their children. Our goal, in this life, is to focus on the blessings and teachings of our Lord God. The bible clearly has no room for error and to do so is a very dangerous path to go down. Thank you for this and I pray for our future generations.

  2. I love this reading…there is no such thing as safe sex outside of marriage…it may appear so until the consequences comes to haunt us. Parents may have their argument about it but the word of God stands forever…its not altered by how we feel or think. May God be with us and help us to be faithful.

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