A Woman of Discretion

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The Keepers at Home Series:

I admit, there are times when I am a little shocked at what women share on social media, in public circles…in mixed company.

I have read Facebook posts of women talking about how many times they’ve been to the bathroom in a day…

their monthly cycles…

Perhaps I’m a prude (I consider it a compliment if I am) but I even blush in my own home, when no one is looking when I read posts by women sharing about how they take a shower or about their undergarments.


Because I know that when men read these statuses, they get a mental image.

There used to be a time when women simply did not discuss certain things in public. 

It was called Discretion.

But discretion isn’t only limited to those things that used to be improper to discuss.

It also means having the wisdom to know what subjects should remain private between two individuals.

1. Arguments and conflicts between a husband and wife. Unless there is a mutual agreement that a conflict be discussed for good reason, in an instance where it could be useful, it is better that arguments and conflicts remain a private matter.  To openly share your private conflicts with others is a useless waste of conversation. Furthermore, it reflects badly on both the wife and the husband. 

When a wife shares these matters she lacks understanding about what should remain private and her husband usually not reflected in a favorable light.

Our responsibility as wives is to praise our husband’s successes so much that they outshine the areas where he falls short; and to protect him from those who would use his failures as leverage against him!

2. A child’s misbehavior. For some reason, many parents tend to boast about their child’s lack of good behavior. In fact, I see so many Facebook statuses about children who run rampant and wreak all manner of havoc in the home or wherever else they happen to be. Sadly, because people hear more about their misbehavior than their actual good behavior, they tend to form negative opinions about these children who may otherwise be mannerly – but have had little chance to prove it.

Boasting about a child’s misbehavior shows an incredible lack of discretion. Furthermore, it is gossip. We often fail to recognize this, but it is actually one of the worst forms of gossip because the child may not yet have the capability to defend himself against the continual verbal assaults waged against him!

3. Another’s confidence. Has your friend shared something private with you?  Have they asked for advice?  Have they shared about something they are struggling with in their life?  Asked for prayer?

Be discreet! Do not share it with another soul. If you feel you need to seek counsel to know how to respond to their need, ask them for permission first.  Do not just share it. 


Keeping a secret is not telling one person at a time.

It means telling no one. At all. Ever.  

A friend who can keep a secret is a friend to be treasured, because a discreet friend is hard to find!
4. Maintaining decorum, composure, self-control, and an unassuming manner. This is especially important for women who are naturally more emotional. 

The ability to maintain proper decorum, good composure, self-control and a manner that is unassuming (in other words, not seeking recognition or attention) will enable us to easily maintain all of the above. 

I wish I were better in this area! For me, emotions run deep and sometimes wild. I am very expressive.  Yet there are times when expression is inappropriate.

Discretion and wisdom know when it is appropriate to be expressive and when to keep our emotions under wraps.

The only way we can accomplish this is by having a firm foundation of truth, allowing the Holy Spirit to convict us, responding properly to that conviction, and allowing our husbands and mature Christian women to instruct us when we fail.  

Because we do not want to be like this proverb that says:

[As] a ring of gold in a swine’s snout, [So is] a lovely woman who lacks discretion. 
Proverbs 11:22 

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  1. Great post, thanks for sharing! I need to work on my discretion in some areas, particularly about my arguments with my husband. However, as someone that is infertile, I tend to share about my monthly cycles in a non-discreet manner. Only with my friends that are comfortable discussing it, or on my blog after a TMI warning.

  2. This is a great post. I think discretion online and irl is sorely lacking. I rarely share about our marriage-in a positive or negative light. And I watch what I share about my kids too. I don’t want to embarrass them.

  3. Thank you for this reminder, and challenge! I suppose I’m a purde, as well, shich is why I spend very little time on facebook and other social media. It’s just all too much for me. I’ll be thinking on your words as I go through my week.

  4. This is excellent!! Really good! I’ll be sharing this post with others and reminding my own self of it from time-to-time!

  5. Well said, Rosilind! I, too, get embarrassed when I read something online that really ought not be out there in a Christian atmosphere. Pinning for future reference.

  6. Amen and amen! I wish more women believed in discretion as you do. It’s SO important but rapidly going out of style in our world.

  7. Discretion among women definitely seems to be a lost art. Thanks for drawing attention to this subject and for challenging us to be discreet in our interactions with others {whether online or “in real life”}.

    Stopping by from MercyINK

  8. Great post and much needed words of wisdom. I am always in process to get better at my “discretion skills!” Very much a skill that we need in today’s world of chronic over sharing to the point of embarrassment. One thing that helps me is to realize once I over share something to anyone or a few people, it can’t be undone! I can of course ask God’s forgiveness but the words I have put into the world can’t be taken back. Once I think of things in this way there isn’t much sharing in a non biblical manner that needs to come out of my lips.

  9. We memorized this a while back and my little girl says, “Like a ring in a pig’s nose is a beautiful lady with no discretion.” Makes me laugh every time.

  10. Just stopping by to say thanks for linking up with Faithful Fridays! Really good reminder that we all need to here….and you’re so right about the Facebook thing…it amazes me how people will reveal things there that they most likely would never speak of in public to groups of people.

  11. I understand that, Rachel. I, too, sometimes discuss these things with friends, too. It can be very helpful when you are experiencing fertility issues. I pray that you will soon receive the desires of your heart!

  12. Sadly, yes – it is going out of style. I can hardly even watch TV any longer – even the news – if the program doesn’t get me, the commercials sure do. Nothing is sacred any longer!

  13. “chronic over-sharing” – so well put! And yes, once eyes have read what we write, they can’t “unread” – it can’t be undone. Thank you for that very important reminder!!

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