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I am not a doctor, none of the information on any of these pages pertaining to the Ketogenic Diet or Adrenal Fatigue should be considered medical advice and should not replace the care of your personal physician. I am simply eager to share the information I have learned while on my own journey to health. Before you embark on this journey, please consult with your physician.
What if one verse could completely change how you are living your life right now, and alter the course your on?
This is what happened to me not long ago.
I was sitting in this very spot, desperate, disappointed in myself, feeling like a complete failure, and 100% done with feeling these feelings day in and day out.
Honestly, I have battled with writing this post, because it seems too vulnerable right now – but I know there is a woman out there right now who relates to what I’m about to write.
Some of you may have noticed that I haven’t posted about Keto in a while.
In fact, if you follow me on social media, you’ve likely noticed I’m not talking about it there either…and have completely abandoned my health groups.
It’s not that I am giving up on Keto or weight loss; it’s that I am completely changing my approach.
You see, carb counting and weight loss were becoming what consumed me all day every day. I would obsess over my carb intake, going to more and more restrictive measures to cut carbs; then give in to the temptation to eat something my kids or husband were eating, and then feel like a fat, sloppy failure for being weak.
And I wanted a way out of this cycle, but couldn’t find the exit.
However, I also knew that if I didn’t find the exit soon, this would go in a very bad direction, because it had become a very unhealthy pattern that would only go from bad to worse.
In desperation I did the only thing I knew to do: pray that God would lead me to the right person or resource for help.
Body image has been a sore spot for me for many, many years. I have been a yo-yo dieter since my early 20s, and even here on my blog you will see evidence of my battle with weight.
My siblings and mom have never struggle with weight the way my dad and I have.
And I have spent many of those years jealous that they don’t have to fight the way I do for every ounce of weight loss; that they seemingly get to eat what they want, and don’t have the health struggles I do.
Honestly, it just seems a little unfair at times.
And over the past several months, this has all bubbled to the surface and God was ready to lead me into tackling all of this head-on.
This battle just became a war and this war has nothing to do with weight.
It has everything to do with an inner struggle that spreads much further than body image, like a spider web, it branches out into nearly every area of my life and if I pay attention…
If I don’t let myself get distracted…
If I take the time necessary to lean into God’s strength on this battlefield and fight until the victory is won, 2021 will become a Hallmark year in my life — one that will forever shape who I am going forward.
And my friends, that is why I am writing this post right now.
This is what accountability looks like.
But this is also me putting out a challenge for you, because I somehow believe that even if you are a size-2 girl with an out-of-this-world metabolism that lets you eat Ben & Jerry’s with literally no guilt and no gym membership, you still have an area of your life that looks like mine:
When the lights go out and you’re trying to sleep, but you can’t because you feel an overwhelming sense of disappointment and shame; a sinking feeling that keeps you in a cycle of trying harder but failing just as hard.
This negative cycle of toxic emotions that are powerful enough to motivate you every morning to muscle through; and overwhelming enough to drown you at night when you realize that muscling through was, once again, not enough.
And you’re not enough.
And all those Facebook memes telling you that you are enough are just marshmallow fluff against the flood of negative emotions because you’re not trying to live up to the expectations of some random person on the Internet.
You’re trying to live up to your own expectations and your own perception of other people’s expectations.
It’s an impossible challenge that will end in failure 100% of the time. No exceptions.
And then I found this verse.
This one, short verse that literally shook me and I’m still shook. At this point, I think it’s become my life verse – and when you read it, it will puzzle you.
But read on, because I am hoping you’ll be shook, too.
“For My people have committed two evils: They have forsaken Me, the fountain of living waters, and hewn themselves cisterns—broken cisterns that can hold no water.”Jeremiah 2:13
I was struck by one of the definitions of the Hebrew word “evil” in this verse. It is “malignant”.
God’s people had committed two evil, malignant sins:
1. They had rejected the source of living water.
This reminded me of the story when Jesus met the woman at the well.
The woman was desperate; and just like me, she was 100% done with feeling like a failure day in and day out. She wished she could find a way to never have to come to this well again.
Exposed. Vulnerable. Judged in the eyes of other women.
But while she was thinking physical thirst, Jesus was talking about soul-thirst. He went much deeper — He always does. Because while she was consumed with her image, He was concerned with her heart.
2. They had made their own wells — wells with holes in them.
Instead of going to God – the source of living water that satisfies eternally, they decided that they knew better. So, they made their own wells.
They were going to muscle through.
Hustle. Boss babe. We can do it. We’re strong because we’re women. She came, she saw, she conquered. She believed she could, so she did.
All of those motivational memes.
And what did it amount to? A well with holes.
The moment I read this verse, I literally felt a physical shock go through the very core of my being. This is what I feel like!!
A well riddled with holes.
Always trying to get filled up, but never quite getting there because what I’m pouring in leaks out before I ever feel satisfied.
But more than that:
A well is designed to hold water. Its sole purpose is to hold and provide water. If that well is riddled with holes so it can’t hold water, its purpose is utterly negated.
There is no other purpose for a well.
This is where I came to with this blog a month ago. My blog was a well full of holes and broken. It had lost its purpose and was just sitting there, empty, leaky, and taking up space.
The ridiculous part was, I didn’t know it.
I just kept recycling content – thinking it was enough. But, if I’m perfectly honest with myself, deep down inside it didn’t feel enough.
I didn’t feel enough in so many areas of my life. More than I can recount to you today — and honestly, I don’t need to go that deep here.
You all know what that feeling is like….it may be in different areas for each of us, but we all struggle with that feeling.
For all our efforts to build that well – and goodness, if you’ve ever tried to make well, you know there is an enormous amount of energy required….
But for all our efforts, we still didn’t get it right!
Because we dug down deep, we got to the water, then we lined it with stones, and as we built and built…carrying all of those stones from the quarry in to build it up and complete our well, it still wouldn’t hold water because it had holes.
All our human efforts to satisfy ourselves are still not enough.
And they never will be.
But it goes deeper — not only are our human efforts to satisfy ourselves never enough – they are a sin. God said they are evil.
They are malignant. Deadly.
God doesn’t want us to be a well. We were never supposed to be well!
God is the source of living water. Water that makes having a well irrelevant.
We aren’t supposed to hold water, we’re supposed share water. God wants us to be pipes through which His living waters flow.
And a pipe is only useful if it’s connected to a source.
My dear sisters:
There are two remedies for this evil of rejecting the source of living waters and carving out leaky wells.
1. Discover who Christ is
We will never fully connect to our purpose if we don’t know who the source of our purpose is. And there is only one way to know Christ.
Jesus said, “If you abide in My word, you are My disciples indeed. And you shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free.” John 8:31-32
His Word has to become the place where we dwell, because He is that Word, and He is the source of all truth….truth that will lead us to freedom!
2. Discover who we are in Christ
There is tremendous power in discovering our identity.
A lot of people today are lost, trying to discover who they are and they think the answer lies in DNA testing, researching their ancestry, and reconnecting with their roots.
The problem is, as children of God, that is not who we are.
When we are born again, we get a new DNA. We get a new heritage and a new citizenship. The Bible says that we are born again, born of the Spirit.
And when we discover who we are in Christ, we find our real purpose.
We can walk away from our leaky wells and connect with the source of living water. And here’s the great secret!
When we connect with the source of living water and discover our purpose in being a pipe, not a well, we will realize that we are never empty.
Instead of trying to fill up a leaky well with body image, affirmations, a better standard of living, a better job, a new husband, a new home, spa days, food, wine, and friends….
We will find we’re always satisfied with the living water of God’s presence and purpose in our life.
That living water endlessly flowing through us — and not just to satisfy us, but to satisfy others as well.
When the woman at the well connected to Jesus’ living water, she was instantly changed in that moment. But she didn’t just sit there drowning herself in His living water.
She instantly realized her purpose as a pipe — and ran out and grabbed other people to share that living water.
My dear sisters, this is the journey I’m on right now – and it is life-changing.
I know I’ve written a lot here about identity in Christ, freedom, food, Keto, and even this post on how weight loss is from the inside out.
But quite honestly, I’d only scratched the surface.
I was still a leaky well, not a pipe. I could share from what I understood at that time, but my understanding of who I am in Christ, my purpose in that identity, and how that identity shapes my boundaries and my choices is deepening every day.
Not just with body image, not just with food — but in every area of my life.
And I look forward to exploring more of this with you.