3 Things to Remember When Speaking the Truth in Love
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Have you ever watched a dear friend or loved one make one wrong decision after another, or fall into sin, and your heart ached to speak the truth in a way that would help bring them back?
Maybe you did speak the truth to them, but it didn’t go the way you’d hoped.
Perhaps it even brought an end to your friendship, and your heart is still broken.
Maybe you have a friend who is veering off the path right now, and you’re wondering how you can speak the truth in love and help to restore them to their walk with Christ.
Speaking the truth in love isn’t just a Bible verse we read in Ephesians 4:15; it’s a divine work that can transform hearts.
Whenever we see a brother or sister begin veering away from the path of life, we can follow one of three philosophies:
- “We’re all human, and God understands that we’re not perfect.”
- “If that person can’t handle the truth, they’re weak and wimpy!”
- “Speaking the truth in love is a sobering task and must not be done flippantly.”
The first two are the extremes that we so often see in the church.
There are believers who simply will not address sin. In fact, the word “sin” itself makes them feel uncomfortable, because it’s too confrontational and negative.
They prefer to see God as a loving God who understands our human nature and imperfections, and just covers everything with a thick layer of grace, pretending that sin has not defiled our hearts and broken our relationship with Him.
Then there are those believers who rush to speak the truth, but in a way that is so intolerable that when they’re done, the person they’ve spoken to is wounded by the harshness of their words.
In their rush to speak the truth, they failed to see that their own judgmentalism and self-righteousness are equally as sinful as the person’s behavior they are confronting.
3 Things to Remember When Speaking the Truth in Love
Neither of these aligns with God’s character. Both twist the image of God so that when we open our mouths to speak, our words are not the truth; they are distortions.
There are three things we must remember when speaking the truth and confronting sinners about their sin
1. We must speak from a place of love.
If our approach is motivated by any other motive, it will be difficult, if not impossible, for the listener to hear what you say.
We cannot confront sin in anger. If anger is our motivation to speak, we have allowed our anger to cause us to sin.
Righteous anger leads to a broken heart because of what sin does to a person.
Sin enslaves and leads people to hell and destruction, and when we begin to look at sin within that context, we are driven to our knees in tears, anguish, and intercession for their deliverance.
When our hearts break in love for them, and when we have a passion to see them set free and walk in wholeness and liberty, then we can speak truth in love because our words now flow from a fountain of love.
2. We must have clean hands.
There is a court term called Clean Hands, and it means that before you take someone to court, you have to be innocent, because if someone is able to accuse you of something, you have no right to accuse others.
Yes, we are obligated to speak the truth, but before we begin confronting people about their sin, we should remember these words of Jesus:
And why do you look at the speck in your brother’s eye, but do not consider the plank in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me remove the speck from your eye’; and look, a plank is in your own eye? Hypocrite! First remove the plank from your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.
This is the context in which Jesus said in Matthew 7:1-2, “Judge not, that you be not judged. For with what judgment you judge, you will be judged; and with the measure you use, it will be measured back to you.”
Jesus didn’t mean that we should not confront people about their sin.
He was saying that before we confront someone, we need to make sure that we have clean hands.
When we point out a speck in someone’s eye, failing to see the plank in our own eye, our heart is filled with pride.
We see their sin and assume that our own sin isn’t a problem. We want to remove their sin, while at the same time wishing everyone would leave our sin alone.
If we don’t have clean hands, then we are guilty of judging, and Jesus says, “For with what judgment you judge, you will be judged; and with the measure you use, it will be measured back to you.”
This is a sobering verse because it reminds us that what we give will come back to us.
3. We must bring it back to the Bible
When we confront sin, we may be tempted to use politics, science, medicine, or culture to support our words, but at the end of the day, all of these must bow the knee to God’s Word.
If our words do not align with God’s Word, then they are weak and flimsy.
We can justify their behavior by saying they have a difference of opinion when it comes to politics, science, medicine, or culture, but when it comes to God’s Word, only one opinion matters.
The only argument that is a spiritual weapon is the sword of the Spirit, which is the Word of God.
The opinions of man do not have the power to save, heal, or deliver; only the Word of God has that power.
Dear sister, in 1 Corinthians 13:1-3, when Paul addresses our motivations for living and walking in holiness, the first two verses deal with our tongue.
- Speaking with tongues of men and angels
- Speaking prophecy
What we say and how we say it matters.
It’s not enough to speak the truth; we must speak the truth from a fountain of God’s agape love.
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